Yesterday morning, I got a bug in my bonnet about adding a little life to my dormroom. Fish. Everyone around here, it seems, has a Beta or two. (A Beta is one of those Siamese "fighting fish" - the really pretty ones with flowy tails that can survive happily in a fishbowl the size of a coke can.) Beta are low maintenance and lovely, but I wanted a little excitement. I rolled the ideas around in my head the way you roll ice cream around in your mouth until you find the chunk of cookie dough. I decided I wanted to get brightly colored fish and get a vase for their habitat rather than an ordinary old fishbowl. With that, I set off. A friend took me to Wal-mart, and a half hour later, purchases in hand, I was all smiles.

My three little guys are African Cichlids. If you take your ordinary goldfish and add a little length, you've got the right size in mind. Two of them are bright yellow with black stripes and the bigger third guy is dark blue with lighter blue spots. The informative tag on their tank let me know that they are aggressive and eat flake or pellet foods. Good enough. I found my vase, some pretty glass rocks, a decorative plastic plant, the necessary water treatment drops, and voila! I was ready to give my new pets a happy home.

Being such a good owner, I cleaned out their new environment thoroughly before introducing it to them. No use killing them with Wal-mart germs the first night. When satisfied that the water had settled and was at the appropriate temperature, I reached into the plastic bag and, one by one, plopped the fishies into the vase. My friends were squealing at my nerve - here I was touching these things. I had no such qualms. Of course, the water level being initially too high, big blue guy promptly jumped back out of the vase and plummeted a good 12 inches to my desktop. My friends and I appropriately screamed and recoiled. When I realized that my pet had no intention of jumping back into the vase, I mustered my nerve, scooped him up, and plopped him back in. Then lowered the waterline by a good 4 inches.

Finally, because you just can't be too loving, I began researching on this particular species. Wouldn't you know it, a vase is exactly the wrong kind of environment for African Cichlids? Apparently, they need more length in proportion to height for their tank. My heart sank and my dreams crashed as I realized my intention of providing a good home had gone all wrong, and I was actually subjecting the little suckers to aquatic claustrophobia.

They survived the night, however, and have been happy to see me whenever I stop by today. My beloved pets are adapting intelligently and will easily thrive as long as they keep the aerial stunts in their fantasies. Two of them are named, but one is awaiting Beka's decision. So far we have Alvin Peter and Maximillian. On behalf of all three, I send greetings.

And if they die, I'll get one of the little guppies that looks like a shark.